I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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