he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
