you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
