You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
