before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
