I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
