She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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