I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
