Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
