SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
