Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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