i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
