so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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