3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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