awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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