I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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