Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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