I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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