im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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