Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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