Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
