Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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