All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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