Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He? As in you personified your dick?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
