yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
