Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
