I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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