I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize