I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
