Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
