I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My vagina is very pro this idea
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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