The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
