I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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