I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize