I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
