If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
