i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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