I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
