Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
