I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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