Pants 0. Shit 1.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
