THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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