one word: firstdatebathroomanal
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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