kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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