Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
where am i from again
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
