And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
