I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
