just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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