I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
