There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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