he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
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I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
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I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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