im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize