We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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