My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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