Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
