Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
