I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize