Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
