Pants 0. Shit 1.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
