Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Terrible idea I love it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize