OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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