You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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